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Thoughts and Fears « Thread Started on May 6, 2009, 4:33pm »
I never thought about how I would die. But now I know, the love of my life, my existance would take my humanity in return for eternity. Leaving behind Charlie and Renee, I know its going to be hard, but this is what I want. Forever, he promised forever. I move from the window, hearing the rain gently pound against the house. Of course its raining. Heading over to the bed, I lay down, hitting the cd player and listening as the soft notes of Edward's music fills the air. This is what I need right now, even though having Edward actually here would be better. With everything still going on, I don't know what to do. Victoria is still alive and hanging around, those mysterious murders in the paper, trying to finish everything so I can graduate and then...the discussion of marriage. As much as I love Edward, the idea of marriage scares me. I know I want to be with him forever, but marriage. I saw what it did to my parents and I couldn't handle it if thats what happened to us.
Downstairs I can hear the baseball game on, the people on the television cheering as someone makes a home run. Running a hand through my hair, I allow a sigh to escape. I knew Edward was still on edge with Victoria being out there. After what happened with her and James, I can understand why. Victoria is a danger to us all. And then there is my truck. I still don't care that it doesn't go fast but to them, its the laughing stock of cars. Oh well, I would get a new car eventually. The only thing I want, is to be turned into a vampire. I knew when I asked the family at the meeting we had about me voting to become one, would anger Edward. It did, but at least he has come slightly to terms with it. But the marriage thing...that still has to be discussed.
The room is silent for the moment, except for my breathing and then the familiar notes of my lullaby fill the room. A small smile creeps upon my lips as I think about Edward. Soon we would be done with high school and then college. Well, turning into a vampire and then college if that is still the plan. I know he wants more time, wanting me to explore college as a human for awhile before I can't be around people, for fear of them becoming a meal. Thats a part that actually scares me. Not the extreme agony but what happens after. Would I still even be myself after changing or would I be some blood crazed new born vampire? I didn't want Edward to know my fears because he would try to talk me out of it, saying I should wait longer. I believe though, I have waited long enough. Even though Edward told me Esme is older then Carlisle, I didn't want to be too much older then Edward. I am already 18. Thats old enough for me.
Glancing at the clock, I sigh. I am glad its Friday and we don't have classes till Monday. One thing I was not looking forward to was finals. I knew Edward would do well with his, since he was excellent in all his classes. Once they are done, it will feel like a huge weight has been lifted off. Of course then there is going to college and applying. Edward being so gracious as to bring me more and more applications to fill out every day. I swear if he brings over another application to some college, I am going to scream. Although, Charlie finds it funny that Edward gets accepted to the same colleges I do. Looking at Charlie's facial expressions always make me want to laugh when Edward says he got an acceptance letter.
Its then I glance over at the picture of the wolf on my wall, instantly reminding me of Jacob. My friend. I know about the treaty, how things are. But it doesn't change the fact that were friends, or the fact that he loves me. I love him, but like I told Edward, I know who I can't live without. Edward is my life, the only person that I want to spend my life with, to spend forever with. Jake just needs to understand that. Even though I know he doesn't like the idea of me giving up my humanity, its what I want. What I need. After what happened in Italy; with the Volturi and everything else, I don't think I could ever go through that again. Watching Edward in pain while trying to protect me. If he had died there, I would have too. Nothing can separate us and soon, not even death will.
"Forever" I murmur, closing my eyes and letting the soft notes of my lullaby relax me. Charlie was telling me earlier that I should hang around with Jess and the rest of my friends. I have been trying to balance that, but I enjoy spending my time with Edward and his family. Alice is always trying to get me to go shopping with her. Rosalie still seems to have her opinion of me. Jasper trying to calm tensions and Emmett with his sports and teasing advice. I love all of them, my soon to be family. Running my fingers through my hair, I turn my body so I'm laying on my side. I pull the blanket up, letting it rest on my waist. My eyes glance over to the window, wondering if Edward would come.
Edward Cullen Vegetarian Vampire [M:0] member is offline
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Re: Thoughts and Fears « Reply #1 on Oct 20, 2009, 4:07am »
It took all I had to keep me on the path to Bella's house. Alice had just told me that Victoria was going to be coming near Forks again. That she was going to try to kill the only thing that mattered the most in my life. I knew taking the Volvo here wasn't an option, but I also knew that at every pass of a tree I would want to call Emmett. To tell him to come protect the reason for my exsitance while I tore the flaming red head, that threaten her life once more, to pieces.
I would have to find her first, but with Alice's visions I could get closer to her. Closer than I have ever been to her before. Although this wouldn't be my first time hunting her, she always did seem like an impossible prey to catch. The months that I was stupidly away from Bella, I tried my best to capture the wild beast, but she slipped through my fingers every time. I couldn't let it win. If Victoria won this, it would mean certain death for Bella. Something that was clearly unacceptable to me. Never could I let death near her again. One too many times, because of me, has death knocked on her door. Each time, amazingly, she was pulled back from it. Each time I thanked my lucky stars that hid in the darkest skies for saving that one precious thing in my life.
A growl escaped my lips, thankful no human was around to hear it, I ran faster and harder as I ever could. This run to Bella's seemed longer, and I knew why. I went off track just the slightest having to pull myself back on the track to my love. Being torn in two was never a great feeling. This particular fork in the road lead me to protect her, no matter which road I took. One had her in my arms, a place that she should always be. The other one had me removing the one thing that threatened her life. It was a tough choice, that was for sure. Unconsciously my hand crept to my cell phone tucked safely in my pocket. Before I knew it, the cell phone was in my hand, and my finger over contacts. Growling louder I harshly shoved the phone back into my pocket.
"Stupid! Run to her and hold her protectively in your arms! Is all I could hear the angel on my shoulder saying, or rather should I say, screaming.
"Let your animal side take over. Find that wild beast and rip her apart." Whispered the devil on my other shoulder.
It's funny the angel was screaming while the devil was whispering. The devil's whispers were the worst though. The devil's whispers were the words that you weren't sure you actually thought. They were the ones that would steer you off the path you should be on. They took you down the dangerous path that you know was wrong, but felt so right in that moment. Shaking my head, clearing it the best I could, I knew I had to focus on her. The only way for me to not veer off this track towards her is to allow the pull to over take me. She had that effect over me, it was still unexplainable how she did it though. Maybe the pull was not wanting to see her cry or have a nightmare because I wasn't there. My mind flashed back to the time when I had just come back home from those miserable months away from her. My beautiful love was in my arms, she was so calm, and peaceful until the nightmares came. The tears streamed down her face, and her words seemed so fragile, just like her. I couldn't look at her soft face only to see tear stains. It would be too much for me, too much for her.
Stopping on the edge of the forest I stared up at her house. Taking a deep breath, the air was fresh which meant that she was safe. A smile came to my face even if it was a slight one. At this point the stench of a wolf would be comparably better than the horrid, wicked smell of Victoria, or any of her minion newborns she had started to create in order to start a war. A war I was going to make sure she lost. It didn't matter how many newborns tried to come after my precious Bella. I would die fighting to protect her, but I refused to let that come out of this battle, too. No one would die, no one but her and her terrible attempt of a newborn army. "Forever" followed by the soft sounds of my piano playing Bella's lullaby rang out through the air, breaking me from my thoughts of Victoria. Well, it rang out through the air for me. The rest of the humans wouldn't be able to even hear a sound from her room from where I was standing.
My mind replayed what I had just heard. "Forever" As much as I knew that there was no changing Bella's mind I couldn't help but try. Taking her life away to live this one of sleepless nights seemed to be the unfairest curse to lay upon her. I love Bella with all of my unbeating heart, but to hear her heart silent...it would be torture. Even if it meant having her with me for forever. I would give up ever seeing her blush again. Hearing her heart go crazy with one simple kiss. Sighing, I knew that I would always do what she asked of me. Even if it meant stopping her beautiful heart, so we could have forever. I just wasn't going to let her know that just yet. I couldn't.
Taking one more deep breath I made my way quickly up the side of Bella's house and into the unlocked window. Stopping inside, the window now closed again, I saw her deep brown eyes looking into my eyes. How did she know I was going to be here? Maybe I had just caught her at the right moment. All I knew is I had to be closer to her. My arms had to be around her protectively as my body would be on edge. Ready to snap up at any second danger tried to come her way, but here I was lost in her eyes. Unable to put one foot in front of the other.
"Hi." Is all that would come from my mouth at that moment.
« Last Edit: Oct 20, 2009, 4:34am by Edward Cullen »
Re: Thoughts and Fears « Reply #2 on Oct 20, 2009, 10:25pm »
The notes of the piano relax me. Actually, anything that has to do with Edward relaxes me. I try not to think of the time we were apart, it making my heart ache every time the subject is brought up. I honestly thought that Edward and I were going to die at the hands of the Volturi. They won't wait much longer before coming to check on me; to see if I am still human. Regardless of what Edward wants, this is what I want. To be a vampire, live with him forever. Living without him for those months we weren't together...I know I can't do that again. I would rather die, then live without him.
But then there is Jake. My best friend. He saved me, showed me that I still had to survive for Charlie's sake and his. Ever since Edward came back and he got me in trouble with Charlie regarding that damn bike. He only did it so Edward couldn't come see me. He should know that nothing can keep Edward and I from seeing one another. Sighing, I lean up on the bed, looking toward the window to see Edward there, his eyes a deep golden brown color. My heart beating slightly faster at seeing him. Even though we saw each other earlier, it still feels like forever since I have seen him last.
"Hi." He says, his body slightly stiff but looking more relaxed now. "Hi." I say in response, getting up from the bed and shutting the cd player off; the notes of my lullaby coming to an end. Lifting my hand, I brush my hand back, walking closer to him. From his eyes, I can tell he just hunted recently, so maybe he would allow some closeness between us tonight. My thoughts wander back to when he mentioned marriage. Marriage. I know he is old fashioned and has his morals, but marriage.
That is one thing...I don't know if I could do that for him. Of course I would do anything for him. He's my soul mate, my life and most importantly my fate. When I finally reach him, I place my hand on his cheek, feeling the smoothness of his skin. The coldness of it. The scent of him just relaxes me. When my eyes meet his, I can't help but give him a small smile. Doesn't he understand that I want to be with him forever? That I need to be. He doesn't want me to become a vampire and since that vote that night, he hasn't really talked about it. After graduation, if push comes to shove, I will have Carlisle change me into a vampire.
"I've missed you. Charlie has been watching the game downstairs. Still hasn't ungrounded me, but I think he might be considering it soon since I've been on good behavior." Which is true. I haven't gone out. Of course Edward is here every night with me, but Charlie doesn't need to know that. He still bugs me about seeing Jake; who in return wants nothing to do with me. Ever since Edward has come back, he acts like the war is about to begin. Letting out a sigh, I look into his eyes, finally going into his arms and breathing in his scent. Maybe Charlie will let me off house arrest soon and I can get back to a normal routine.
"Are you okay? Is everything okay?" I ask, cuddling closer into his arms. I know Victoria is still out there and these killings in Seattle are puzzling me. Maybe they are connected somehow. All I know...is that something must be coming this way. And its not good...at all.
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